My Obit

Lucina Mendez, a student at Anoka Ramsey Community College in Coon Rapids, MN, never realized her dream of running a shelter for abandoned cats. However, in an odd twist of fate, her cat- The Willard DeMarco Mendez, had a sudden heart attack and perished at the news that his master died while bungee-jumping naked off a pyramid in Chichen Itza, Mexico.
The 28-year old Personal Care Attendant worked with the disabled for over ten years, and was much respected by her clients, though by there own admission, often trodden apoun.
Lucina, who was known by her nickname, “Master”, also did security at Williams Pub and Peanut Bar in Minneapolis for three years, and although she never enjoyed it, she liked many of her co-workers who were anguished to hear of her demise, “ We should all just lay down and die right now, just like that cat,” said the most attractive of her male co-workers.
The service which will be held at 2pm, on Saturday, October 17th at The Church of The Spaghetti God and other Celestial Entities, will be attended by few, due to her request to be tucked in a hefty bag and tossed in the river.
She is survived by her mother Cindy Gaasvig, brother Adam Mendez, and sister Ashley Filipelli.